The Contractor Doctor’s treatment room is filling up with contractors all suffering from the ill effects of various forms of desperation. This is a curious disease and comes in many forms, with a huge range of highly damaging symptoms. And although curable, desperation is highly prevalent during times of recession.
A particularly virulent strain is currently rife among the contractor population, being carried by a few selected agents and clients. Fortunately, most agents and clients are not carriers of the condition, but there appears to be no pattern to the infection, so all contractors should vaccinate themselves by taking preventative measures.
In coming into contact with an agent or client who is a carrier, contractors can expect to experience symptoms that include sharp practices, late and non-payments, breach of contract, untruthfulness (a ‘medical’ term for lies), daylight robbery, coercion, blackmail, slander, libel and downright skulduggery.
Desperation will look for any chink in a contractor’s armour to find a point of leverage and start exhibiting the worst of its symptoms at the earliest opportunity. Contractors in advanced stages can suffer from premature termination, late or non-payment and even liquidation.
As a keen advocate of modern medicine where prevention is the best cure, the Contractor Doctor prescribes the following preventative measures to contractors at risk of contracting desperation:
- Apply a liberal dose of solicitors to all new contracts, because preventative medicine saves on treatment costs in the long term
- Acquire finger and wrist supports, also known as a notebook and pen. These have a remarkable effect on improving memory and retention, particularly following telephone calls and meetings that may be with as yet unknown carriers of desperation
- Don’t let a dose of desperation prevent you from failing to perform any of the duties agreed in the contract to the letter, and any subsequent variations; this includes failing to attend client team meetings, returning equipment and in fact anything that can put you in breach of contract
- Ensure all practice certificates and professional qualifications and memberships are completely up to date and the paperwork has been filed and all work is completed to industry codes, standards and best practice
- Develop obsessive behaviour patterns, and retain every letter, email, invoice, phone record and notes of meetings, including dates, times, who, where and what actions were agreed by and for whom.
Apologies for the complicated nature of these ‘treatment notes’. The Contractor Doctor doesn’t have a great bedside manner; but his treatment of patients who follow his recommended regime is almost always effective.