Bored with meetings? Why not try our exciting new word game?
To liven things up on those dreary afternoons - when that double helping of shepherd’s pie you had for lunch has diverted 99% of your blood flow to your stomach, and you have the concentration span of a goldfish with attention deficit disorder – why not substitute new meanings to tired old buzzwords that have all but lost theirs.
I’ve created my own private dictionary of management and IT buzzwords, and I use it to give new meaning to what the pointy-haired one is saying. Here are a few entries to help get you started on your own:
Scope-creep: An undesirable who follows people around shopping centres in the vain hope that they will give him their onions
Service-oriented: Inclined to work in the hospitality industry
Agile: In the manner of a tiger
Team player: Someone who shares his marbles with the rest of the class
Tactical: Designed by a monkey
Leverage: A popular men’s hairstyle in the 1950’s
Middleware: Fictional setting of Lord of the Rings
C.R.M.: Cathy’s Rude Mormon
E.R.P.: Electric Ragtime Piano
Scalability: The ability to read top-shelf magazines through a newsagent’s window
Data Warehouse: A top secret underground bunker in Kent containing every known fact about Keith Chegwin
The rules of the game are easy. You have your dictionary in front of you while the big guy’s talking, and you look up any buzzwords he uses. If it’s not in your dictionary, you write the word down and you can find a new meaning for it later. The one who creates the funniest dictionary wins a car or something.
Published: Friday, January 06, 2006
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